You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize