So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
