Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize