hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
