Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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