He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
