I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize