Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
