brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize