nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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