i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
