Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
