i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
