I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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