ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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