I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
