Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
