Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize