Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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