I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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