he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
