Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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