Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
