I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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