from now on my penis is your penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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