Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
