I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
