Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
