hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
