o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
