I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize