Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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