He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
