I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
