Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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