so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize