peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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