i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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