I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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