She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
