apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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