How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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