My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
