bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
