i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize