nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Less talking, more tequila
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
