I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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