Its about making memories worth repressing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
