Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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