One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
