I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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