he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
