Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize