I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
