just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
