it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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