Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hate all girls vehemently.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
