Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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