please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
