I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's blow job season.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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