remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So much rum. So many feels.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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