none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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