i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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