ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to align my fucking chakras
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
