We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize