Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
