He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
