I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
