defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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