I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
