I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Are my feet made of real feet?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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