I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize