I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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