i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Let's paint friendship bongs
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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