wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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