I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
