just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
